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.Sighing, I dropped a slice of stale bread in the toasterand poured myself a glass of juice while I waited.Stripping, I sat in the middle of my bed munching the toast andgetting bread crumbs everywhere.I was too tired to care, too tired even tofeel the sense of satisfaction I often felt eating in bed because Doug hadhated that particular habit of mine and now I could do it any time I wantedto.I felt numb, all over, strangely divorced from everything.It was barely full dark when I set my glass aside and snuggled againstmy pillows but I was too exhausted to worry about the likelihood of wakingbefore day the following morning and feeling like hell all day.Something began nagging at me before I was even fully awake thefollowing morning.I finally realized what it was as I sprawled in one of mykitchen chairs eating another slice of toast with my coffee.It was that twice damned note I d left for Heath that I d agonized overfor nearly twenty minutes before I left town.Somehow, it just hadn tseemed right to leave without at least penning a note, and yet I couldn tdecide what would be appropriate to put in the note even after I d made upmy mind to leave one.I wrote a full page the first time, filled with poeticraptures over our night together.When I d balled that up and tossed it in thetrash, I tried a friendly it was great, we ll have to do it again sometime.Finally, afraid I d reveal too much if I tried to write anything, I d merelyscribbled thanks and sealed it in the envelope before I could change mymind again.Now I wondered if that had been just a tad too dismissive.Shrugging it off finally as something done that couldn t be changed, Ichecked the clock.I really didn t have time to run to the store before I REUNION Kimberly Zant 69opened the shop, but I was going to starve to death if I didn t get some foodin the house.And I still had to turn in the damned car and get mine from theairport! Damn it! I muttered irritably, wishing I d done it the night beforeinstead of heading for the house like a homing pigeon.It turned out to be the worst Monday I d had in a while.After a maddash to the store where I grabbed up the first things that I came across, Iraced home again and opened the shop.Expecting a chance to relax after I dopened--because Mondays weren t generally very busy, I had one customerafter another to deal with until it was lunch time and I could close for awhile.After a little thought, I moved the numbers on the clock face on thedoor to indicate I was taking a long lunch and drove to the airport.I grabbeda fast food lunch on the way back and ate as I drove, which not only mademe a hazard to myself and other drivers, but was also very unsatisfactory.The afternoon wasn t much better.That was the highlight of my week, however.By the time I rolled outof bed Tuesday morning, I was suffering a serious onset of depression.Instead of resting, I d relived my weekend with Heath all night and felt likehell the following morning.I muddled through the week somehow, but it wasn t until the weekendrolled around again that I finally faced what I d been fighting off all week.I hadn t exorcised my ghosts.I d sabotaged myself.No amount ofreasoning or self castigation could rid me of the certainty that bore into methat I d succeeded only in replacing fantasy with reality and made thingsworse.Years had passed since the days when I d openly, to myself anyway,admitted I adored Heath Bardsley and always would.It was the alwayswould that had driven me to self destruct, the stupid certainty that myimagination had built him up to more than he really was and that I d neverreally be able to move on and find true love until I d rid myself of thatfantasy.Another week passed while I fought the urge to give him a call andinvite him up for round three.One more hair of the dog and I was lost.I was already lost.Grimly, I tossed the phone number I d spent hours REUNION Kimberly Zant 70tracking down and hunkered down to ride it out.It was late in the evening of my second weekend in purgatory when Iheard a knock at the back door.Promising myself that if it was my ex, comearound to look for something else he d misplaced, I was going to knee himin the groin, I stalked to the door and yanked it open.Heath stood on the threshold.I stared at him in blank, openmouthedsurprise for several moments before I came out of shock sufficiently toactually look at him.He looked like a man whose dog had been shot--hurtand furiously angry at the same time. You re welcome, he growled, opening his hand and allowing thepiece of paper he had fisted in his hand to drop to the floor.My gaze followed of its own accord.It was the note I d left him.When I looked up at him again it was with a mixture of guilt andhopefulness. You misunderstood, I managed to say.His lips flattened. Did I? That wasn t thanks for scratching myitch ? Maybe I ll see you around sometime? And maybe not? What did Iever do to you to make you want to do that to me? The guilt every word out of his mouth heaped on me made me feellower and lower until I was fighting the urge to burst into tears.I caughthold of his shirt as he began to turn away, struggling with my wobbling chinto try to speak.I couldn t let him walk out of my life again without tellinghim, I realized, no matter how much of a blow it would be to my pride if heshrugged it off and kept going. You made me fall in love with you all overagain, I said shakily.He stared at me as if he was having trouble assimilating what I d said. I went because I d never been able to get you out of my mind, Ibabbled
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Tematy
IndexBankowicz Bożena i Marek Dudek Antoni Leksykon historii XX wieku
Roberts Nora 03 Kamień Pogan
§ Eriksson Kjell Komisarz Ann Lindell 04 Księżniczka Burundi
CASKIE KATHRYN ZASADY NARZECZENSTWA
Makuszynski Kornel Skrzydlaty chłopiec
Anne Rice 2 Kara dla Spiacej Krolewny (2)
Kerstin Gier 03 Zieleń szmaragdu
Verne Juliusz Sfinks lodowy
§ Arpino Giovanni Zapach kobiety
Oliver Lauren Delirium