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.He s done run off with him.Can you reckon onthat? I m too macho for him, so he runs off with a guy looks like he wiped acouple old transmissions with his hair.I asked around at the park, found outwhere the biker guy hung out, found out his name was Horse McNee and that hewas a closet fag. Horse? It was a nickname.As in hung like a horse. Who told you this? Another faggot.I kinda know him through Raul.Fusses like an old woman.Butyou know, you want some dirt, this guy seems to have it.He s been around foryears.An old queen.Fact is, they call him Queen Mary.He s got a youngerfriend everyone calls Princess Mary.Princess likes to hang around busstations hoping for a lube job.I can t stand him.But that s beside thepoint.This Queen Mary, he s always hittin on me, and everyone else.Iwouldn t fuck him if we were both wearing bags over our heads and I was usingyour dick.Hell, I wouldn t fuck him if we were double baggin and using yourdick with a rubber on.But I admit I played up to him a little You prick-teased? Just a little.Anyhow, I got the info, decided to drive out to the bikerbar. With a shotgun, a revolver, and a broom handle? You heard about that? Yeah.And it doesn t sound like you.Not that I haven t seen you go off, butthis seems radical even for your charming self. I know.Romance.Lust.Whatever, it fucks you up.I m thinkin I can go outPage 22 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlthere and Raul will be with Horse Dick, and I can talk him into coming back.And, to be blunt, I wanted to whip the guy s ass stole my boyfriend. It s not the guy s fault Raul s playin around. Yeah.But I don t care.I m wantin to whip him anyway.Maybe I m thinkin Ithrash Horse Ass Horse Dick. Whatever.I think if I thrash him, Raul won t think he s so hot.I mean, hedoesn t want a macho queer, so he runs off with a greasy macho queer? You gotto think Raul protests too much.So, I got my companions, the twelve-gaugeshotgun and the thirty-eight snub-nose revolver, and went out there.As forthe broom handle, well, I keep that under my car seat as a kind of attitudeadjuster.I figured I had to be seriously prepared.As you recall, you and melearned us a little lesson last year. Yep.No matter how tough you are, you can t whip a bunch of guys at one timeif they want to whip you bad enough.And if they whip you damn good and deadsolid, it hurts like a sonofabitch. That s the lesson.Not only is the Blazing Wheel a biker bar, it s aseriously Caucasian bar.Dixie flag.The whole works.You re not even gonnafind James Brown on the jukebox in this joint.Charlie Pride wouldn t bewelcome.And here I am, a nigger with an attitude and a stick.A very solidstick, I might add.And I see this guy I ve seen with Raul, and I walk over tohim, holding this damn honkie knocker by my side Honkie knocker? Sorry.Slipped out.No offense intended.And I say, I m Leonard Pine,and you ve been fuckin with my boyfriend. That s original. Wish I d thought the line over better, but that s what came out.Horse Dickthrew a right cross at my head, and I drilled his arm on the inside with mystick, went to knockin apples on his head.That first noggin shot I hit himso hard I bet his fuckin dog back home shit a turd in the shape of a prayingJesus.All this happened quick-like, and these guys decided they were gonnaskin me for knockin their buddy, so I pull my pistol, shoot a hole in thefloor and scare them back.I go out to the car and they follow. And you pull the twelve-gauge and shoot out the neon sign and blow up somebikes. You heard about that? Same place I got the news about the shotgun, the broom handle, and therevolver.Charlie. That goddamn Charlie is one knowledgeable sonofabitch, ain t he? That he is. So I went away from there, and a few of these guys followed, but I lost them.Or thought I did.I decided Duffin s pasture was a good place to hide.Ipulled in, killed the lights, parked, and sat.I think, all right, I ve lostthem.I start to relax.I have a bag of cookies in the car there, and I meatin them, and I glance in the rearview mirror, and what do I see? An old gentleman and eight tiny reindeer. The biker fucks.I wasn t slick as I thought.They d seen me turn in, lefttheir bikes down the road somewhere, and were sneakin up on my highlyattractive shiny black ass. But you were sneakier. I slid to the other side of the car, opened the door and slipped into thegrass, draggin my twelve-gauge with me.I crawled along for a bit, then gotup and ran.Them sonofabitches seen me.They let out a whoop, and the race wason.I went into the woods.I looped wide and doubled back and got down in thecreek and saw them crossin down a ways, goin up on the bank.I went down thecreek about a mile and came up in the woods, and goddamned if some of themhadn t wandered up right where I come out.Asswipes had me surrounded. So they scalped you and ate you. I crawled right between those fuckers, and they didn t hear nor see me, so Ikept on crawlin. Page 23 ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.html Isn t this story attributed to Daniel Boone? You know Webb s hog farm? Yeah.And I see this comin. I crawled up to the edge of the farm, through the slats of one of the hogpens.They say hogs shit in one corner of the pen, but someone forgot to tellthese fuckin hogs that, or Webb needs to get his ass out there with a shovelmore, cause I can seriously testify that this entire pen had the intensearoma of pig shit gone bad and then made worse. I was in this swill, lookin out, and I seen the bikers trottin along theside of the farm there.I knew they hadn t seen me, but they were close enoughI could have smelled them, if I hadn t had my nose full of pig shit.You knowwhat I did, Hap? Is this question rhetorical? No. You eased into the pig shit and hid. You ought to be on fuckin Jeopardy! , Hap.That s exactly what I did.I slidmyself into that muck so there wasn t nothing but my head and arms and thattwelve-gauge stickin out.I made up my mind they came for me I was gonnastart blowin kneecaps off.But when they got downwind of that pig shit, theybegan to cuss and head back into the woods. It takes a real man to lay down in pig shit and not complain, I said. I fought off a couple of amorous pigs, climbed through the fence, made theroad, but stayed more in the woods
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