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.He returned after midnight, and, insteadof going to bed, shut himself into the room beneath.I listened, and tossedabout, and, finally, dressed and descended.It was too irksome to lie there,harassing my brain with a hundred idle misgivings.I distinguished Mr.Heathcliff s step, restlessly measuring the floor, and hefrequently broke the silence by a deep inspiration, resembling a groan.Hemuttered detached words also; the only one I could catch was the name ofCatherine, coupled with some wild term of endearment or suffering; and spokenas one would speak to a person present; low and earnest, and wrung from thedepth of his soul.I had not courage to walk straight into the apartment; but Idesired to divert him from his reverie, and therefore fell foul of the kitchen fire,stirred it, and began to scrape the cinders.It drew him forth sooner than Iexpected.He opened the door immediately, and said Nelly, come here is itmorning? Come in with your light. It is striking four, I answered. You want a candle to take up-stairs: you mighthave lit one at this fire. No, I don t wish to go up-stairs, he said. Come in, and kindle me a fire, anddo anything there is to do about the room. I must blow the coals red first, before I can carry any, I replied, getting a chairand the bellows.He roamed to and fro, meantime, in a state approaching distraction; his heavysighs succeeding each other so thick as to leave no space for common breathingbetween. When day breaks I ll send for Green, he said; I wish to make some legalinquiries of him while I can bestow a thought on those matters, and while I canact calmly.I have not written my will yet; and how to leave my property I cannotdetermine.I wish I could annihilate it from the face of the earth. I would not talk so, Mr.Heathcliff, I interposed. Let your will be a while:you ll be spared to repent of your many injustices yet! I never expected that yournerves would be disordered: they are, at present, marvellously so, however; andalmost entirely through your own fault.The way you ve passed these three lastdays might knock up a Titan.Do take some food, and some repose.You needonly look at yourself in a glass to see how you require both.Your cheeks arehollow, and your eyes blood-shot, like a person starving with hunger and goingblind with loss of sleep. It is not my fault that I cannot eat or rest, he replied. I assure you it isthrough no settled designs.I ll do both, as soon as I possibly can.But you mightas well bid a man struggling in the water rest within arms length of the shore! Imust reach it first, and then I ll rest.Well, never mind Mr.Green: as torepenting of my injustices, I ve done no injustice, and I repent of nothing.I mtoo happy; and yet I m not happy enough.My soul s bliss kills my body, but doesnot satisfy itself. Happy, master? I cried. Strange happiness! If you would hear me withoutbeing angry, I might offer some advice that would make you happier. What is that? he asked. Give it. You are aware, Mr.Heathcliff, I said, that from the time you were thirteenyears old you have lived a selfish, unchristian life; and probably hardly had aBible in your hands during all that period.You must have forgotten the contentsof the book, and you may not have space to search it now.Could it be hurtful tosend for some one some minister of any denomination, it does not matterwhich to explain it, and show you how very far you have erred from its precepts;and how unfit you will be for its heaven, unless a change takes place before youdie? I m rather obliged than angry, Nelly, he said, for you remind me of themanner in which I desire to be buried.It is to be carried to the churchyard in theevening.You and Hareton may, if you please, accompany me: and mind,particularly, to notice that the sexton obeys my directions concerning the twocoffins! No minister need come; nor need anything be said over me. I tell you Ihave nearly attained my heaven; and that of others is altogether unvalued anduncovered by me. And supposing you persevered in your obstinate fast, and died by that means,and they refused to bury you in the precincts of the kirk? I said, shocked at hisgodless indifference. How would you like it? They won t do that, he replied: if they did, you must have me removedsecretly; and if you neglect it you shall prove, practically, that the dead are notannihilated!As soon as he heard the other members of the family stirring he retired to hisden, and I breathed freer
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