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. She scrounged for the last potato chip, then broke it judiciously inhalf. I heard about that. There hadn t been time for Girl Scouts withher training. You were always rotten. Hey, I got to see Betty Jean Baumartner naked.Well, almost naked, he corrected. She had on a training bra and panties, but at thirteen that spretty erotic stuff. A rotten creep. It was hormones. He sipped his wine. Lucky for you, I ve still gotplenty. With a satisfied sigh, he leaned back against the pillow. Evenif they re aging. Feeling foolish and romantic, she bent over to kiss his knee. I vemissed you, Brady. He opened his eyes again. I ve missed you, too.I m sorry thisweek s been so messed up. I understand. He reached out to twine a lock of her hair around his finger. I hopeyou do.Office hours alone doubled this week. I know.Chicken pox.Two of my students are down with it.And Iheard you delivered a baby boy, seven pounds six ounces took out apair of tonsils & Is it pair or set? she wondered. Sewed up a gash inJack s arm, and splinted a broken finger.All that being above andbeyond the day-to-day sniffles, sneezes, aches and exams. How do you know? I have my sources. She touched his cheek. You must be tired. I was before I saw you.Anyway, it ll ease off when Dad gets back.Did you get a postcard? Yes, just today. She settled back with her wine. Palm trees andsand, mariachi players and sunsets.It sounds like they re having awonderful time. I hope so, because I intend to switch places with them when they getback. Switch places? I want to go away with you somewhere, Van. He took her hand,kissed it. Anywhere you want. Away? Her nerves began to jump. Why? Because I want to be alone with you, completely alone, as we venever had the chance to be. She had to swallow. We re alone now. He set his wine aside, then hers. Van, I want you to marry me. She couldn t claim surprise.She had known, once he had used theword love, that marriage would follow.Neither did she feel fear, asshe d been certain she would.But she did feel confusion.They had talked of marriage before, when they d been so young andmarriage had seemed like such a beautiful dream.She knew better now.She knew marriage was work and commitment and a shared vision. Brady, I This isn t the way I planned it, he interrupted. I d wanted it to bevery traditional to have the ring and a nicely poetic speech.I don thave a ring, and all I can tell you is that I love you.I always have, Ialways will. Brady. She pressed his hand to her cheek.Nothing he could havesaid would have been more poetic. I want to be able to say yes.I didn trealize until just this moment how much I want that. Then say it. Her eyes were wide and wet when they lifted to his. I can t.It s toosoon.No, she said, before he could explode. I know what you re goingto say.We ve known each other almost our whole lives.It s true.But insome ways it s just as true that we only met a few weeks ago. There was never anyone but you, he said slowly. Every otherwoman I got close to was only a substitute.You were a ghost whohaunted me everywhere I went, who faded away every time I tried toreach out and touch. Nothing could have moved her or unnerved her more. My life sturned upside down since I came back here.I never thought I would seeyou again and I thought that if I did it wouldn t matter, that I wouldn tfeel.But it does matter, and I do feel, and that only makes it moredifficult. She was saying almost what he wanted to hear.Almost. Shouldn tthat make it easier? No.I wish it did.I can t marry you, Brady, until I look into themirror and recognize myself. I don t know what the hell you re talking about. No, you can t. She dragged her hands through her hair. I barely domyself.All I know is that I can t give you what you want.I may neverbe able to. We re good together, Van. He had to fight to keep from holding tootight. Damn it, you know that. Yes. She was hurting him.She could hardly bear it. Brady, thereare too many things I don t understand about myself.Too many questions I don t have the answers to.Please, I can t talk aboutmarriage, about lifetimes, until I do. My feelings aren t going to change. I hope not. He reeled himself back, slowly. You re not going to get away fromme this time, Van.If you cut and run, I ll come after you.If you try tosneak off, I ll be right there. Pride rose instantly to wage war with regret. You make that soundlike a threat. It is. I don t like threats, Brady. She tossed her hair back in a gesture asmuch challenge as annoyance. You should remember I don t toleratethem. And you should remember I make good on them. Very deliberately,he took her by the shoulders and pulled her against him. You belong tome, Vanessa.Sooner or later you re going to get that through yourhead. The thrill raced up her spine, as it always did when she saw thatdangerous light in his eyes.But her chin came up. I belong to myselffirst, Brady.Or I intend to.You ll have to get that through your head.Then, maybe, we ll have something. We have something now. When his mouth came to hers, she tastedthe anger, the frustration, and the need. You can t deny it. Then let it be enough. Her eyes were as dark and intent as his
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